Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
