What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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