There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
