Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
