1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
