he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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