I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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