even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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