I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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