i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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