My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
