I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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