Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
