hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
