never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
where are my eyebrows?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
