LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You don't make any sense
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