You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize