which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
