I just saw a hot homeless man
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
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you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
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Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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