Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
