I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Randomize
