Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
