I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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