this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
