I wannas sexs uuuuu
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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