Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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