apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Quick, to the slutcave!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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