OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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