Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
