Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
