Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
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I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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