you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
