Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
no you cant smoke seaweed
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
