What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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