THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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