just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
