I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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