I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
