If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
