so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
