For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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