there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
