Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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