WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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