'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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