There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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