I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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