The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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