My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
and she was petting her beer can
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
