One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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