Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
