Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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