Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
