her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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