Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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