i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize