I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
