how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
